A Letter to My Daughter 9 Weeks In By Bren Sessions

 

My little love,

 Every day I cry. Every. Day.

 

I can’t imagine doing any of the things I use to do with you….without you.

 

I am afraid of what will happen the day I don’t think of you first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

 

I meditate. I try to watch for signs from you. I fall apart.

 

Has grief got such a strong grip on me? Or do I hold on tightly, desperately to my grief?

 

Does feeling better mean letting you go? I Cant.

 

I want to move forward, not move on.

 

But I don’t know how.

 

You send me song lyrics. I get the message.

 

I feel better for a minute. And then I am screaming inside for you.

 

Who am I now? This broken-hearted mom? Or has my heart broken open so I can learn?

 

Did you plan this on the other side before you came to me? Did I? What were we thinking?

 

I may need to hold on to this grief just a little longer.

 

Even though I can barely function.

 

Until I can figure out this life without you.

 

And one day reach out my hand to help someone else.

 

Then maybe I can tell my grief goodbye

 

and walk into the light.